Results

This last week has not shown me much new, but instead has chosen to revisit familiar territory. But revisiting is not all I've been doing, no; I've been observing the results of one's labor (or lack thereof), whether mine or someone else's.

First and foremost, Nathan (my good friend Yanel's brother), came out to his sister. This not only shocked me, but himself as well. I've been listening to Nathan talk about problems identifying his sexuality and tried helping him face the truth that he was so afraid to admit. When I invited him over for some video games last Saturday night, I half expected we would mess around, and I think he did too. What I didn't expect was our topic of conversation to lead back to the backlash of the last time we messed around. I guess it sounds stupid now, thinking we wouldn't eventually fall back on that topic, but I just thought he'd healed from our last blunder. Apparently not. I had to re-explain to him why our last fling was such a bad idea, and in doing so I realized that I actually didn't want to mess around anymore. This is the start of a huge victory for me because I have struggled for quite a while now with denying myself immediate pleasures in order to save my self and sanity in the long run. I finally did so, starting with Nathan, and I thought I already received my reward in my own happiness, but after Nathan came out to Yanel, she sent me a text message thanking me for being such a blessing to Nathan and listening to him when he needed. I was so elated after reading her message to me. I finally feel like I've done what God has planned for me, which is to help those around me with their everyday personal and life issues. Yaay me. :)

What started that weekend (the night before I saw Nathan) was more unexpected results when I drove to Lockhart with Ryan to visit Tio Charlie. We got on the topic of Robby and as he spoke about his reactions to everything, I realized I'm healing better than I thought I was and Ryan really isn't healing much at all. He's finally taking the time to process everything and to stop trying to be so strong. I listened to him and made sure not to interject too much, and it felt comforting knowing that our feelings about it all were so much alike. I really love every person in my family -- effed up or not -- and I'll continue showing my support and love for them so I can be there when it's time to do God's work.

Anyway, I have more to pontificate on but this music and this view from the bridge is too beautiful to miss.

Love you.