Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Feel Like Ass

Man I can't even type right now.  I woke up this morning feeling just as crappy as I have the past week, but I got worse during the day.  I took one of Pete's Advils but it hasn't hit me yet.  I'm contemplating whether I should go work out or not, or even if I should go to the concert tomorrow night.  I am really excited about the concert but I'm not going to have a good time if I'm still sick.  I want to see those girls that Sarah and I befriended last time but I don't want to waste the gas if 1) I'm sick and unable to have fun, or 2) the girls don't even go.

But anyway, I was writing a new post on Sunday night but Sarah dropped by unexpectedly and took up the rest of my evening.  I noticed she posted a status update on Facebook the next day or that night or whenever saying "Why does distance make us wise?"  She recently watched RENT with Lauryn so she could just be quoting the movie, or she could actually be trying to say that everything's ok after not seeing me for a while.  I don't know, I could be over-thinking it like Liza, but I don't want Sarah thinking time heals my wounds.  Only a good talk, understanding and closure will heal my wounds.

So what I haven't posted yet is what happened Saturday night.  I went to Michael's birthday party and was mildly entertained, but was really more concerned with whether or not he was going to try to put the moves on me.  He did.  He walked me out and talked to me in front of my car for about 5-10 minutes and then eventually kissed me.  I had no idea how drunk I already was because I probably warranted the kiss.  And then I kissed him back.  Why did I do that?  Must be more lonely than I thought.  Anyway, before he kissed me I gave him a hug because he was saying such nice things to me and I wanted to let him know that I cared about him and appreciated his friendship, but I guess the hug was easily misinterpreted.  My mistake.

Anyway I'm unsure about the future of our friendship now because I don't know if he'll be able to carry on an honest, non-romantic friendship with me.  If he can't then, well, I've lost another chance at a gay male friendship. :(

About the party, Michael's cousin Raul was really awesome.  I want to get to know him and his girlfriend more.  He seemed very much like one of those straight guys that likes everybody, including (especially?) gays.  I hope we hang out again soon.  As for the other gay guys that night, it was a little peculiar that they were all sitting on one side and I was sitting on the other -- alone.  I don't mean to say anything in that, other than that's scary how the seating arrangement strangely foreshadowed my feelings about them.  Don't get me wrong, they were nice to me and I tried to keep a good conversation going with them, but yet again I felt like I had nothing in common with them and would probably not being able to carry on a friendship with any of them.  But then again that's horrible of me to assume since I only spent a maximum of 1 drunk, partied-out hour with them.  We'll see.  I have no idea if they liked me or not...

Unfortunately, my lunch hour is over so I have to get back to work.  I'm definitely surprised I'm keeping up with this blog and, in fact, throughout the day I've found myself mentally forming paragraphs for future blog posts.  I have so much more to say and plan on putting it down as soon as possible.  Go me.   :)

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