Genesis

Dramatic title, eh? So what's it mean? Well we all know with a title like that, the answer deserves to be just as enigmatic. For a while now I've been toying with the idea of starting a blog. Recently, some friends of mine started their own and, after reading their colorful and oh-so-well-put-together thoughts, have provided me the final push to start my own.  What it means is this is the start of something...different.  When I think about my faults, I quickly think of something else so that I don't have to dwell on my own shortcomings.  Hopefully with the start of this blog, I will be forced to realize how I think and how utterly hateful my mind can be at times.  It also means that I think I'm finally going to get that "place" that some people get to go when they want to get away.  As long as I keep up with this and keep it mine, it'll be a great haven.

What took you so long to start this? Another great question with an even grander answer. To be honest, I actually started a personal journal back in 2004. This wasn't an online journal, but rather something I just whipped together in Word. I kept up with it for less than a month, I think, and have no idea where that document is now (probably on some Sharpie markered, scratched-up CD in a graveyard of spindles somewhere in that poor excuse for a box of memories I call my closet).  The point is, I didn't keep up with it, which is part of the reason why I never wanted to start a blog in the first place. I'd hate to pour so much time and emotion into a project that would eventually fall by the wayside, periodically making noise somewhere in the depths of my mental to-do list. (This is obviously a vast and near-archaic list with lots of not-scratched-off items.)

Uh huh.  And why else?  This one's darker: I don't like personal blogs for several reasons, but the main one being because they're public.  Don't get me wrong, this blog is free to view by anyone's eyes and I'm all for opening things up to the world (open source FTW!), but personal blogs are only a good idea until the author remembers who's reading their posts. I want to lay down everything -- everything -- that rattles around in my brain now, but I can't do that if I'm afraid of hurting anyone's feelings. I want to completely express myself, no matter how fucked up I sound or who gets mad at what I've written about.  I plan to keep this blog a secret from all my friends and family, that way I have an outlet that I can completely control and let loose on. If any of them stumble upon it, so be it; I will not lie about them or say anything unnecessary, and will therefore have nothing to apologize for.

Any other reason?  Yes...  Like I said earlier, I kept my personal blog secret because it held a lot of information about my inner self that I am terrified to let people know about. (I'll probably bring those up again here, in time.)  I didn't want to visit those feelings ever again, but I think I need to grow past them now.  Let them die.

Then why put all these similarly dark secrets somewhere completely public and, worse, searchable? That one's easy: So I can access it easily, from anywhere. We, as humans, are almost never hit by waves of emotion or creativity while actually sitting in front of a computer screen. With my trusty Android phone (or Chrome OS netbook, if that ever gets released) and a fresh set of emotions, I can publish my thoughts from almost anywhere, anytime.  Plus, I'm kinda hoping that a stranger will stumble upon this and give their objective opinion; would help me grow, in a sick way.

So what's the main reason for this blog?  I need to release! Seriously, there have been times where I just want to completely word vomit but I can't find the right outlet. I hate actually writing (pens suck) and I hate bogging my friends and family down with my constant jibber-jabber. So here we are, even though this technically isn't sharing since I don't plan on making this public knowledge to anyone I know. But at least it goes from my head to somewhere else...

Since starting this entry I've been interrupted many times (probably shouldn't be doing this at work) and have all but lost my train (trains?) of thought. So, I hope that explains my reasoning for this blog and, specifically, this first post. If I think of anything else, I'll see if I can go back and edit it.

Alright, I'm out.