Severed Ties With Kevin Today

Yeah I don't usually make my post titles specific so as not to confine myself to writing about one certain topic, but I pretty much won't be talking about anything else tonight haha.  So yes, I've fully removed Kevin from my life as of tonight and I gotta say, I'm feeling a lot of things right now -- sad, hesitant, empty, justified.  The problem is, I don't feel at all like the one emotion I'm supposed to feel after finally doing this: closure.  Dang it I just wrote it and now it's really real.  I am very much a closure-type person.  From my adult life on I've learned that I can move on, learn from and even appreciate any bad situation or relationship, just as long as I get that warm-in-the-tummy, Ziploc'd ending that I so desire -- no, require.  Tonight marked the most mature, fulfilling and easily digestible breakups that this planet and its meandering people have ever witnessed, yet I don't feel whole again.

Why?

I'm really not sure I can answer that.  I'm usually able to tell how I'm feeling, put it down in thought and words, and fix it or grow from it!  But tonight I can't!  Did I make a mistake?  Well it's ok if I did 'cause I'm sure Kevin and I will be able to reconnect again (hopefully in the distant future), but I mean where's the closure in that?  Maybe that's it!  Maybe because I took a break from him already, I got used to the wet-blanket feeling that came with it?  I think that's it: I'm waiting for the proverbial "other shoe to drop".  But that's comforting to know because if I know one thing about myself, it's that time is a fantastic catalyst for helping me get back in the "groove" of life again.

Now to see if Kevin will leave me alone.   :/   I deleted him from Facebook and Latitude but he still has my phone number.  If push comes to shove I'll auto-ignore his calls and text messages (I <3 Google Voice).

But anyway, to elaborate on Kevin's and my conversation tonight, I would be happy to vouch for his high potential in becoming a fine human being and man.  He was snappy at first, but understandably, since I spent the last 24 hours snapping at him via text message.  I quickly calmed the situation (how me of me to do) and we sat down to say our pieces.  He obviously still has feelings for me and thinks highly of me, which I unfortunately can't trust since the romantic thoughts are surely blurring his judgment.  BUT, he did eventually agree with me that whatever xxxxxxxtionship we had had successfully run its course after taking our little "break".  So, good.  I appreciate his somewhat-solid demeanor and I truly hope for the best for him and for our (distant) future friendship.

So I guess that's that...

Side note:  I was changing the template for my blog this weekend when I was forced to read my initial posts.  I must say, it is helping.  I'm very happy I started this blog and I know it will continue helping me flesh out the gray areas in life.  Thanks!  Love you and goodnight!