Saturday, February 20, 2010

Finally!

Finally for a lot of things! Finally because, first and foremost, I am truly happy today, after feeling so heavy and dragged down for so long! Finally because this damn chest cold looks like it's on its way out! Finally because I found a cool gay guy that is into literally EVERYTHING I'm into, and then some, and isn't totally predictable! Finally because I took the time out of life to go sit at the Bijou, alone but with my trusty Android phone, and watch a good indie flick. Finally because I got my two-months-expired vehicle inspection renewed! And finally because, well, I think I'm really truly on the cusp of adulthood. Yes, I know I've been going through the motions of working, paying my bills and acting civil like a 26-year-old adult should, but I've always felt like someone -- anyone -- could come along and just rip my thinly disguised veil off me and expose me for the vulnerable, unlearned little teenager I secretly acted like. But now, after going through whatever I've been going through for this past month or so, I now realize that my life probably won't return to the happy, simplistic version it was at the end of last year. But that's good. That means that now I'm not simply going to look for a visible solution and hope that applying it fixes all my problems. Instead, I'm going to look around at every one of my demons, recognize their existence and learn to live in harmony with them. Some may dissipate eventually, some may stay with me, taunting me for life; that's just fine. The true demonstration of my adulthood will be when I learn to walk with, but not follow or invite in, my dark mannerisms. That way I can see where they are, but keep them at a safe but entirely visible distance. And this also applies to others demons. I won't let theirs affect me anymore, because I'll keep an eye on them too. But not a judgmental eye, no. Just a cautious one.

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